Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Why "Choosing Your Battles" May Not Be An Effective Parenting Strategy - RESPECTFUL PARENT | RESPECTFUL PARENT

Why "Choosing Your Battles" May Not Be An Effective Parenting Strategy - RESPECTFUL PARENT | RESPECTFUL PARENT: "Many people were bringing different perceptions on limit setting to the table.  Some didn’t realize that they should be setting limits on certain things because those things didn’t bother them, some set them inconsistently, some were giving too many choices, others too many chances, while others hadn’t adjusted to their children’s new developmental stages. Then there was me, who let the small stuff go because it didn’t seem worth it in the moment.  I was “picking my battles” as the saying goes, or waiting for a better, more convenient time.  I was reinforcing my children’s tendencies to persist with their wants because they couldn’t determine when I would and when I wouldn’t stick to my guns.

It became clear as the discussion evolved that none of these varying perceptions mattered a whole lot – at the crux of the issue, our problems were the same.  Most of us weren’t setting the strong limits we thought we were.  Some of us were better at recognizing the limits, but engaging in power struggles.  Some of us weren’t seeing the limit and some of us were inconsistent. Some of us would make excuses for behaviors when children were tired, sick or stressed; essentially teaching them that it is acceptable and excusable to act poorly during times of strife.  Toward the end of the discussion, Brettania, a mother to  3 year old and 15 month old boys, wrote a comment that transcended all our perceptions and we began to see that the issue was much simpler than we were making it.  Our children needed leaders and once they had them- life would get easier for us and our children."

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